I’ve always had trouble sitting still and am generally a fidgety person. I always carry some sort of sensory input toy around so I can keep my body moving one way or another. I’m swinging around one of my monkey noodles as I’m writing this now. Just sitting still is a challenge for me, so meditation, doing nothing for extended periods, was an extreme challenge.
Commercially, I was first introduced to meditation using apps like Headspace and Calm. I would try the shorter meditations and would never find much value, so I didn’t have the motivation to keep going or try longer ones. At a retreat in 2019, I was challenged to try a 10-minute meditation and once again had no success. My brain was completely active the entire time, and I just couldn’t wait for it to end.
Rather than being relaxed, I would finish a session exhausted from how much I was resisting it. I would focus all my energy on escaping just like I did in the classroom throughout my school years. I thought it was a tool that was just not for me.
Everything changed when I took a course with Joe Dispenza. As he started the course, he said something that connected with me very deeply. Every time our body tries to resist stillness, we must remind our body that we are in control. Every time we do that, it is a victory! Instead of resisting the meditation, I could instead take control and allow my body to surrender to it.
With this information in mind, I had the confidence to try what he described in his first session as a “mini-med”. As hard as I tried, I failed to complete the meditation. I opened my eyes feeling defeated. I then discovered I had meditated for 13 minutes which was the longest I had ever done. The meditation wound up being 17 minutes long. I was so close!
The next session, I was determined to complete the meditation. It was 35 minutes long and one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Somewhere within that time, I was able to relax my body and be fully aware in stillness for the first time in my life. I completed every other meditation in the course, and since then, taking time for myself in stillness has become a major part of my daily routine.
The change in behavior was as quick as it sounds. Overcoming myself in the first few sessions was extraordinarily challenging. Meditation remains the most challenging thing I do every day, but at some point, I’m always able to find that place of nothingness and feel renewal on the other side. My mind gets most active before complete bliss occurs. Once I’m able to surrender, it all goes away.
The best advice I could give if you’re struggling with meditation is to try a session that is far longer than you ever imagined you could complete! You’ll be able to do it, and once you find the space of stillness, it is very easy to remain there. The mind becomes loudest before it quiets down.
Today, meditation is a major part of my life. My biggest leaps come in moments of complete stillness when I’m able to step outside my ego, connect to my higher self, and see the present moment from a completely new perspective.